Never Again
So I went to the party. It was only for a short while and I wish I hadn't of gone at all.
Before arriving at my friend Grace's house I got my sister to get me some rosé wine for me and Grace from the local newsagents. As I'm not the legal age it's her I have to ask to get the drink for me, Mum can't be bothered though uses every excuse as to not drive the car and Dad is usually at work or out with friends so my sister and I built up a bond; she buys me alcohol whilst I supply her with money on the week she gets payed (she usually spends her wages on lavish expensive things and stupid me likes to save therefore it's sort of worked out quite nice). Anyway, I asked her to get me the wine and the one she got was not the usual, bit on the cheap side so I saved money over all. Grace and I managed to bleed a bottle in under twenty minutes as we were getting ready, it got us merry and we were up for the party.
Stupid thing is, I had more than one bottle, and it got sickly after a while but still I poured more into my mouth. We were both in states when arriving at the party, private invitation only and we could hardly say our names for the person with the guestlist. I'm sure I develop a stutter when out of it and the lad was looking at me totally dumbstruck until my mouth and brain decided to engage and work properly. We got in, walked through the door and I could not tell who anyone was. My eyes were all over the place and my tongue had become numb at this point forcing all my words together. "Illgotheeswaaayaaanndddyoooogooooverthurrr" I managed to mumble and before I knew it, i found myself head down the toilet. Yes, not a pretty site and I've never been so grateful for having one facing me for about ten minutes. It was after this that I decided to leave the party, disappointed though my entourage was, ahem, I walked out of the complex and ordered a taxi. Bearing in mind it was late and it wouldn't come for another twenty minutes I decided to look after my drunken excuse of a self.
Walking up the stairs out of the garden, I managed to have a one-way fight with a plant as it wouldn't hold me up properly and I later collapsed down said stairs. Jokes all round until I then managed to run (what was I thinking?) out of the courtyard. I missed the door by several feet and went cascading into an iron table, my legs now tell the story with the bruises up the sides.
So I'm sat in the carpark, relieving my stomach into the foliage, as you do, when seven 13-year-old chavs decided to surround me and ask me questions, purposely confusing my state of mind. I then had to tell them directions to a place I've never heard of and jump into the taxi which was beeping in the background.
Three times I had to stop in the taxi, lie on the embankment in desolate farmland and get fresh air. The driver obviously knew how I felt and took it upon himself to take the 'scenic' route to a) con more money out of me and b) make the liquids in my body swirve at every jerk of the wheel. But I short-changed him so I suppose we're even.
On top of that, I woke up to find clothes strewn all over the house, jeans on television, shirt in the sink and keys on the stairs. Even worse - I woke up at 1 in the afternoon and noticed noone had moved them. What are mothers for?!
On the plus side, I've just managed to cook dinner for all the family. The boredom of half-term led me to do something creative and Chicken Tikka Misala is as creative as I get.
Sezer to go on Big Brother; his 'game plan' would be hilarious to see tumbling at his feet.
Before arriving at my friend Grace's house I got my sister to get me some rosé wine for me and Grace from the local newsagents. As I'm not the legal age it's her I have to ask to get the drink for me, Mum can't be bothered though uses every excuse as to not drive the car and Dad is usually at work or out with friends so my sister and I built up a bond; she buys me alcohol whilst I supply her with money on the week she gets payed (she usually spends her wages on lavish expensive things and stupid me likes to save therefore it's sort of worked out quite nice). Anyway, I asked her to get me the wine and the one she got was not the usual, bit on the cheap side so I saved money over all. Grace and I managed to bleed a bottle in under twenty minutes as we were getting ready, it got us merry and we were up for the party.
Stupid thing is, I had more than one bottle, and it got sickly after a while but still I poured more into my mouth. We were both in states when arriving at the party, private invitation only and we could hardly say our names for the person with the guestlist. I'm sure I develop a stutter when out of it and the lad was looking at me totally dumbstruck until my mouth and brain decided to engage and work properly. We got in, walked through the door and I could not tell who anyone was. My eyes were all over the place and my tongue had become numb at this point forcing all my words together. "Illgotheeswaaayaaanndddyoooogooooverthurrr" I managed to mumble and before I knew it, i found myself head down the toilet. Yes, not a pretty site and I've never been so grateful for having one facing me for about ten minutes. It was after this that I decided to leave the party, disappointed though my entourage was, ahem, I walked out of the complex and ordered a taxi. Bearing in mind it was late and it wouldn't come for another twenty minutes I decided to look after my drunken excuse of a self.
Walking up the stairs out of the garden, I managed to have a one-way fight with a plant as it wouldn't hold me up properly and I later collapsed down said stairs. Jokes all round until I then managed to run (what was I thinking?) out of the courtyard. I missed the door by several feet and went cascading into an iron table, my legs now tell the story with the bruises up the sides.
So I'm sat in the carpark, relieving my stomach into the foliage, as you do, when seven 13-year-old chavs decided to surround me and ask me questions, purposely confusing my state of mind. I then had to tell them directions to a place I've never heard of and jump into the taxi which was beeping in the background.
Three times I had to stop in the taxi, lie on the embankment in desolate farmland and get fresh air. The driver obviously knew how I felt and took it upon himself to take the 'scenic' route to a) con more money out of me and b) make the liquids in my body swirve at every jerk of the wheel. But I short-changed him so I suppose we're even.
On top of that, I woke up to find clothes strewn all over the house, jeans on television, shirt in the sink and keys on the stairs. Even worse - I woke up at 1 in the afternoon and noticed noone had moved them. What are mothers for?!
On the plus side, I've just managed to cook dinner for all the family. The boredom of half-term led me to do something creative and Chicken Tikka Misala is as creative as I get.
Sezer to go on Big Brother; his 'game plan' would be hilarious to see tumbling at his feet.
posted by Scott at 10:35 AM
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